Poetry Friday: Kitty…

Mona has offered the following for Poetry Friday:

The Poetry Friday WORD for tomorrow is CAT. Or KITTY. Or, hell, even PUSSY. Whatever word you choose to describe the feline persuasion (and they are persuasive, aren’t they? “Pet me.” “Feed me.” “Leave me the hell alone.”) Feel free to use any, all or other words like that there in your blog post tomorrow, in whatever catnippy form makes you writhe on the floor with supreme joy…poem, drawing, story, salmon sculpture, phone message, naptime dream where you fight with dogs….

As an authority on the subject, I’ve brought a few extras to the table this week. Of course, what would Poetry Friday be without a poem

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This week I dug through the Missus’s archives and found pictures of student art from her college days. Most of these are ten to fifteen years old (damn, she’s gettin’ old) and qualify as learning experiences, but everyone has to start somewhere. In case you’re curious the woman isn’t as obsessed with felines as it appears. They just happen to be the most cooperative models. She certainly isn’t fawning, she done an excellent job of ignoring me all morning. Here is an assortment of colored pencil, ink, and oils. Click on the thumbnail for a better view.

And finally for those of you who are disappointed that I took the high road for this week’s double entendre, there’s this.

Betrayal

I don’t know if I can put the way I feel into words right now…I may have to come back later. No, wait, I’m not feeling as light-headed anymore. I’m sure I can find the strength. My name is. My name is Patches. My name is Patches and today…My name is Patches and today I was betrayed.

That bitch! She is such a tease. She took me from my soft fluffy bed and handed me to the Mister so he could rub my stomach. When I was rolling to the left and right, showing off my very sexy belly, they slid me into the soft-sided cat carrier. Carriers are evil. Carriers exist for the singular purpose of transporting me to the veterinarian’s office. There’s no good reason for crap like that, cause I’m feeling fine.

They mumbled something in the car about routine checkups and yearly shots. Luckily for me they didn’t do the old drop and shop. Drop me off, go shopping and pick me up a few hours later. Last year, they tried that method. When they came to pick me up, the vet assistant was not able to coax me out of the holding cage. I backed into the corner, and stood my ground. I hissed, spit, and threw right hooks at anyone who approached, including the Mister. I can be very intimidating.

The Mister finally coaxed me into my cat carrier and took me home. I continued to behave like an ass for a few hours. This year, the folks made an appointment for a quickie. In office, out of carrier, shots, exam, in carrier, back home in twenty minutes. The zip-less fuck.

The entire time I was on the exam table, I called the shots. I had everyone under my spell. Mainly because I was well behaved, for the first time ever. This is my second veterinarian. I was blacklisted from the first. My file read, CAUTION: BITES. I’m not really such a bad boy, I just need to know that anyone who takes a stool sample is going to respect me in the morning.

Sorry…Wrong Number

We are an understanding bunch. None of the occupants of this home would consider ridiculing someone based on race, sex, or handicap (stupidity, however, is another story). Over the past two months, we’ve been receiving an unusually large number of hang up phone calls. These are not to be confused with the large number of wrong numbers calls. The landline isn’t very active. Days at a time have passed with the damn thing uttering so much as a single ring. The average telephone activity is 2% unsolicited sales calls, 10% legitimate (friends and family), 38% wrong number, and 50% hang ups. O yeah , we don’t have caller ID either. The Missus has this idea that she shouldn’t have to pay for an extra service when she can just be rude for free. Kinda makes you wonder why we bother having a landline at all.

The Mister finally got disgusted with the hang up calls and did the star 69 trick. He discovered the hang up caller was a woman with a memory problem. Apparently she has a “system” to avoid paying long distance charges in which she calls her family lets the line ring twice and then hangs up and they call her back. He system has flaws. She can’t remember the number she is trying to dial. This woman undoubtedly has special needs and requires additional understanding.

For the last month, we’ve altered our telephone protocol, and don’t answer the phone until after the second ring. Unfortunately faulty memory lady is now having trouble remembering to hang up after the second ring or even the third ring. No one has been rude or resorted to frustrated yelling….yet.

I was even taking this inconvenience in stride until Saturday. Saturday, memory problem lady crossed a line in the sand. She called when I was napping on the sofa with the Missus as she read. The third ring resulted in my being unceremoniously dumped on the floor so the Missus could answer the phone. Dude, that is just too rude. With two sets of aging parents, it’s not like we can really afford NOT to answer the phone. Of course with the memory problem, would the lady really remember if the Missus lost her shit and told her off?

Poetry Friday: Crush

Mona’s back and she providing us with the one word brilliance that is Poetry Friday. This week’s word is crush.

Kitty Tails and Rockin’ Chairs

I’ve been tagged by Lynn at a Tired Mama as a Rockin’ Girl Blogger. She actually questioned my masculinity but, I’m a perfectly content in my androgyny and graciously accept this honor. She also said lots of nice things about me, some are even true!

Now I am charged with the task of choosing five Rockin’ Girl bloggers. I’ve tried to choose blogs that haven’t been previously tagged. So listed in order of radioactivity:

Sari at The Geek Inside. Sari rocks in the literal sense of the word providing the Friday ipod shuffle and This Weeks Music Lyrics. She is a pop culture philosopher extraordinaire. Sari explores the mystery in ordinary things, and I heart that in a blogger.

Maggie at Mind Moss. Maggie writes amazing poetry, and shares a literary perspective that is often lacking in my non-computer life. When I think of Maggie, I think of courage, strength, and a spark so bright, it makes your eyes blink as you try take it all in.

Mona at Mona’s Barbaric Yawp. Mona is the brain behind Poetry Friday. Each week she provides a word for inspiration, challenging my ability to spell and wax poetic. Okay, I am not really poetic, but Mona is. She also writes fabulous poetry that melts me like the gooey center of a chocolate truffle.

Nancy at Life Among the Never-Winged. Nancy is a writer’s writer. She doesn’t just set the scene, she takes you there and deposits you gently into a comfy overstuffed chair to listen to the walls talk. Nancy writes truth, because real life is funny, painful, heart wrenching and passionate.

Liv at Madness, Madness, I say. Liv is my beautiful southern sister I was separated from at birth. Except she’s a funny yoga guru and I am a cat so my yogic accomplishments involve licking my er, uh…Liv has this way of bringing up topics that make me feel too vulnerable to go there in my own post, but geez, I’m a wimp that way.

Ladies consider yourselves acknowledged. If you wish to accept this tag and take it to ‘nother level, go forth and conquer, if not write on!