I’m Dreaming of a…… Sponge Bob Jockstrap?

Missus Chic’s family held their annual white elephant gift exchange Sunday. It was filled with the usual dirty pool as everyone scrambled to secure an prize of their liking. Highly coveted items included a fluffy blanket, scratch-off lottery tickets, a three-foot tall resin cast snowman bird feeder (whatever happened to garden gnomes?). Missus Chic’s brother found the booby prize, a Sponge Bob tennis racket, with sponge balls, and a matching jock strap, very appealing.

You may ask yourself what a forty-year-old white guy needs with a Sponge Bob racket and balls. As luck would have it, what he really wanted was the child-sized jock strap (did I forget to mention that it was a youth large?). Initially, his mother assumed that he wanted the jockstrap as a companion piece to go with the Ruff Lust kitty crop he acquired during last year’s exchange. Alas, his desire was not fetish driven at all it was merely pragmatic. With two athletic, adolescent boys living under his roof one can never have too many jockstraps.

But the athletic cup was not destined to be his. Missus Chick was the original recipient of the Sponge Bob ensemble, which she generously modeled for your enjoyment. No she did not stuff it with a sock, and yes they are in fact made of brass. A fact she proved later in the evening when it was her turn to trade.

Having chosen the first gift to unwrap, Missus Chic was the last recipient eligible to trade. True to form, she opted for the furry blanket which was possessed my none other than her own mother. How many of you out there can say you screwed your mother out of a warm Christmas and all she had to show for it was a Sponge Bob racket and a jockstrap?