Chill and Refill

We had a quiet post-holiday evening on Thursday. The pet-sitter and her special someone joined Missus Chica and Mister Hombre for margaritas and beefy jalapeno cornbread. There’s nothing more enjoyable than sharing a pitcher of pain killers with friends that are so casual that they don’t give a shit whether or not you vacuumed, or if your Christmas tree carcass is littering the living room.

The pet sitter is one of two people outside the family that Dirty Girl will greet. For all other guest, she quickly retreats under the bed or behind the dryer. She used to embrace the attention of strangers then one day she just turned a corner and decided that strangers are evil….coincidentally right after Missus Chica’s brother came for a visit. He, who will remain nameless, had a reputation for picking kittens up by their tails during his second adolescence twenties.

I like visitors. They share fragments of a worlds unseen through my eyes. Whether it is the earthy smell of leather shoes, the musty aroma of their own pets, or expensive cologne. They stimulate my imagination and remind me that the world is not so small and limited as my own menial experiences.

At the closing of the year, it’s good to remind yourself that there is a whole world out there waiting to be experienced. Well, maybe next year…

Holiday Recap

People are exceedingly complicated. They celebrate the month of December with a host of mysterious traditions. For many it is a religious or spiritual celebration, while others choose to embrace its secular qualities. But for both camps it is an opportunity to celebrate the companionship of loved ones by embracing retail therapy. No matter what flavor of the holiday you choose to celebrate, it tends to be tainted with requisite planning, mind-reading, scheduling and all of the stress that accompanies taking care of business.

Cats tend to approach holiday celebrations with a carefree attitude much like children. We don’t suffer from the utter saturation of excitement the way kids experience it. We are excited by the whole idea that there is a change of energy in the air. There are obvious signs, like new smells emanating from the kitchen, fake foliage appearing in unlikely places, and more ribbons than usual littering the carpet. We never really know what to expect next, but we know when it happens, that it will smell new and exciting.

All of these preparations led to an uber-celebration with family. On the appointed day, I enjoyed greeting our guest properly at the front door as they arrived. Dirty Girl, a less experienced hostess than I am, opted to retreat behind the clothes dryer. I remained in the high-trafic areas like the living room and the kitchen to establish my territory. When it became evident the guest were unimpressed by my posturing, I retired beneath the Christmas tree to my post as omnipotent observer.

The day was relatively jovial, with laughter dominating a few tears. The effort of executing a banquet was completely obscured by stuffed stomachs and the absence of any major drama. A stark contrast when compared to the previous post about the white elephant party, although not nearly as entertaining, but a welcome close to the formal holiday celebrations. As the day came to a close, the guest exited, Missus Chica and Mister Hombre melted into the sofa enjoying the warmth of apple schnapps, relieved by the success of the day.

I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday celebrations, and arrived at their intended destinations safely this year. May those plagued by disasters be blessed with a faulty memory when we embark on next years holiday season….Alas I must excuse myself to prepare for a less formal holiday gathering accompanied by margaritas and mexican cornbread. Cheers all!

The Spirit of Christmas

“Well are we ready to open gifts?”

“I don’t think it is fair to make the kids wait any longer.”

“Should we open Christmas presents first, or do the birthdays that we missed earlier this year?”

“Oh, let’s do birthdays and then Christmas, you know go chronological”

“Well obviously, celebrating the birth of mortals trumps the birth of the christian savior every time.”

“Shit. I can’t believe you just said that out loud.”

I’m Dreaming of a…… Sponge Bob Jockstrap?

Missus Chic’s family held their annual white elephant gift exchange Sunday. It was filled with the usual dirty pool as everyone scrambled to secure an prize of their liking. Highly coveted items included a fluffy blanket, scratch-off lottery tickets, a three-foot tall resin cast snowman bird feeder (whatever happened to garden gnomes?). Missus Chic’s brother found the booby prize, a Sponge Bob tennis racket, with sponge balls, and a matching jock strap, very appealing.

You may ask yourself what a forty-year-old white guy needs with a Sponge Bob racket and balls. As luck would have it, what he really wanted was the child-sized jock strap (did I forget to mention that it was a youth large?). Initially, his mother assumed that he wanted the jockstrap as a companion piece to go with the Ruff Lust kitty crop he acquired during last year’s exchange. Alas, his desire was not fetish driven at all it was merely pragmatic. With two athletic, adolescent boys living under his roof one can never have too many jockstraps.

But the athletic cup was not destined to be his. Missus Chick was the original recipient of the Sponge Bob ensemble, which she generously modeled for your enjoyment. No she did not stuff it with a sock, and yes they are in fact made of brass. A fact she proved later in the evening when it was her turn to trade.

Having chosen the first gift to unwrap, Missus Chic was the last recipient eligible to trade. True to form, she opted for the furry blanket which was possessed my none other than her own mother. How many of you out there can say you screwed your mother out of a warm Christmas and all she had to show for it was a Sponge Bob racket and a jockstrap?

Holiday Card 2006

As promised earlier, here’s this year’s card. If you care to look at the previous cards, you can see them here and here. I promise, I’ll resume writing proper posts soon.